Internally damaged.

Internally damaged.

Placement finished. Summer’s over and it’s cold as a motha in these streets. I’m now a broke student at university trying to figure out everything at once and I feel like every day I’m losing my marbles. The last time I blogged was late September as I wanted to do a Black History special celebrating historic events, successful black bloggers and icons across all career fields but life said ‘Haha, no.’ -__-.

The realities of a student have hit me. Hard. Like when Sharkeisha got punched in the face, hard. Ouch

First and foremost, this is not a rant or sympathy post. I’m a study break and just cannot stand to stare at my uni dashboard or another word document for the next few hours or so because I will actually scream. I feel like an emotional wreck – I don’t know what to feel nowadays.

All the work and effort I put into my self-development and getting my mental health back on track seems to have dissolved in a space of a few weeks and I cannot deal with it any longer. It pains me that I am dealing with the consequences of my depression and anxiety two years ago which has pushed me back another year – basically repeating the last 20% of second year – I’m on a course that I lost interest in so I have to work extra hard to stay afloat and the last batch of my friends will have gone by next summer leaving me alone with the 1997 kids.

So how am I, you ask?

Don’t get me wrong, I am blessed after three years at university, I have finally found my feet and have some of the most amazing people around me who never fail to make me laugh (and spend money I don’t have lol). It’s just that struggle of motivating myself to do work and get out of the house every once in a while not out of force.

Yeah that’s it from me.  I just had to get a few things off my mind before this blog accumulates more dust than I can handle.

Will be back soon to jazz this website all the way up!


Still pimpin’ tho <3

Sam x

Instagram | Twitter